Friday, December 31, 2010

Confession: I am dreading Monday

On Monday, I go back to work. It will be quite a while until I get another break - probably in the spring. Part of me is simply dreading it. I truly wish I didn't have to go back. I wish I could make a fresh start in a career that suits me better.

Last week, I received a letter granting me provisional acceptance into the Massage Therapy program at CCBC. As long as I earn a 'C' or better in Anatomy & Physiology, I'm in. I had to turn down the acceptance, though. Number 1, I was accepted for a spring start - which is solely a day-time program. Number 2, I never finished A&P. Number 3, I realized that my desire to have more children is bigger than my desire to attend school.

I thought I was at peace with the decision, so I was a bit surprised when I started crying watching a commercial for the Baltimore School of Massage. There was just a real longing in my soul as I felt the possibility of becoming a massage therapist gently slipping away.

If I had only one wish, I would quit my job and attend the BSOM massage program full time. I could be finished in as little as 7 months! Wouldn't that be amazing?!?

Sadly, we're not in a financial situation that would allow me to do that. With the choices we've made, we can't live on Harry's salary alone. But I feel in the pit of my stomach that something needs to change. I only wish I knew where to go from here.

All I can do is give my career over to the Lord. He knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper me and not harm me. I trust He has everything under control. I just wish He would show me where to go.


  1. I pray that you'll be able to hear the voice of God as He directs your path. Wishing you a blessed new year.

  2. I have felt the same way about the close of the holidays because my husband won't have as much time off! I totally understand!

    Will be praying for direction for you, and for God to open doors of opportunity for you :)

  3. Hello Carey :-)
    I found your blog by "accident" and I had to write back to you. I am a massage therapist myself and also a woman looking for the career path her soul is longing. I know how you feel. Crying is a way of our souls to talk to us and showing there is something we need to change. And, I really and truly believe that we need to change, not only to be happy with ourselves, but also to fulfill our soul's desire, what we are here to do...
    Do not give up. Have you considered all options? Are there scholarships you can apply to? Work-study options at the school? Can you start taking some subjects online while you wait to better situation? What about studying part time, even if it takes longer to get your license? And contacting the massage associations for ideas about your situation?
    Pray and listen to your heart. Ask Him to show you the way...And He will. Put your energy onto this project; your soul, your love...Visualize yourself going to school; feel the happiness in your heart...And then, things will start to move in your direction and everything will work out miraculously ;-)
    Good luck and lots of happiness in this new year! :-)