Thursday, September 21, 2017

The Prodigal Blogger Returns

I started a new devotional via the Bible App earlier this week called The Dream Centered Life by Luke Barnett.  At the end of Day 1, the author asks a simple question: What dream is stirring inside of you?  I honestly have many lofty ideas floating around inside of me, but the persistent stirring of writing, of documenting my journey of highs and lows, of having a space where I can express my authentic self to the world drew me back to this blog.

It's been over three years since I've posted a word on here.  I know that times are different.  That people don't blog for the simple sake of blogging anymore.  That the focus is on SEO keywords and monetizing and branding and layouts and offering useful content.  But none of those things interest me.  I simply want to share my voice, a piece of my life with anyone willing to accept it.

The truth is I have a very busy, very full life, and yet I am achingly unsettled.  Perhaps it is because I am quickly approaching 40, but I find myself questioning why I am here in the first place.  Wondering how I am supposed to be making a difference.  Seeking the way I can make the world a better place before I'm gone. 

Having a sacred space where I can sort through the million thoughts that dance through my head each day is the very thing I need to navigate this tumultuous time in my life.  I will probably break every modern blogging rule in the process, but I need to answer my soul's desire to write on a more consistent basis again.  I am eager to see the fruit that will grow because of it.

Friday, March 28, 2014

4 weeks till 35

There are 28 days before I hit my milestone of 35. I am feeling the urgency to reflect on what I want the last two-thirds of my life to look like. I need to start planting seeds and taking baby steps now to be heading in the right direction. Otherwise, I will end up somewhere completely off course, feeling restless and unfulfilled and questioning the authenticity of my life.

Here's what I know: I want to live a healthy, balanced, integrated life. I want to have a satisfying career that fulfills me spiritually and mentally and provides me with ample resources to live a comfortable life. I want to move and feed my body healthy foods every day. I want to break my addictions. I want to get rid of the pain in my tired, overweight body. I want to eat organic, local foods. I want to compose. I want to have less of a carbon footprint. I want to serve my church and my community. I want to spend quality time and nurture healthy relationships with my husband, my children and my friends. I want to spend more time outside, soaking up the warmth of the sun and the sound of the ocean. I want to enjoy regular massages, facials and teeth cleanings. I want to spend time in silence and meditation. I want to connect with God. I want to savor real, organic dark chocolate. I want beautiful, comfortable, stylish clothes. I want glowing skin, strong hair, bright eyes, and white teeth. I want a flat stomach and a toned physique. I want to love and laugh passionately. Always. I want to support people that come into my life with my words and my love. I want to be present and more fully alive. I want to experience true joy. I want to read and to write. I want to sing and dance and play. I want to shine brightly. I want to taste Heaven on Earth.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

beautiful day

A small ice storm passed through Baltimore in the evening hours, which allowed my school to open at 10 AM this morning. With the two extra hours of personal time I gained, I was able to run on the treadmill for 40 minutes, cut images and text out of a magazine, and read a book to my girls. My hubby and I even shared a passionate kiss on my way out the door. I was focused at work and was able to complete the majority of my pending tasks. I played briefly on Facebook and cried as I watched the video montage of the past six years it created for me. I brainstormed ideas for the job portfolio I am creating. I looked back at some kinds words my former boss wrote about me. In general, I just feel proud and accomplished and loved.

The sun is setting, and in a matter of minutes I will be heading home to my Loves. I don't know what mundane adventures tonight will bring, but all in all, it's been a beautiful day. <3

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

why not?

A reoccurring theme showing up for me lately is: take risks.  My pastor addressed this topic on Sunday, saying that within the risks is where growth occurs.  I really love that.  After all, who wants to live a life of stagnation?  I think of a murky, bacteria-filled swamp compared to a fresh, bubbling brook.  Which one would you rather drink from?

I have heard the popular Mason Cooley quote, "'Why not' is a slogan for an interesting life," but up until now, I've paid it little mind.  Now that I am turning 35 and ready to start really living, however, I have decided to answer the majority of questions presented to me with those two words: why not?

This weekend I applied for a Program Director position within my school.  I may not be totally qualified, and it's three pay grades higher than my current position, but why not?  Why not try?  Why not get my name out there?  Why not nail the interview, accept the position, get a big raise to go along with my new powerful title, and be the most amazing director that my school has ever seen?  Why not?

Today I purchased a Groupon to take the courses necessary to obtain a PMP certification.  Why not?  Project management is a hot topic in research.  Why not better myself?  Why not obtain new skills that may improve my job performance?  Why not add some extra initials behind my name?  Why not?
I've only just begun on this journey of becoming more fully alive, but already it is feeling so good!

Monday, February 3, 2014

my fresh start

In 11 weeks and 4 days, I will be turning 35. Truthfully, I am excited for this milestone. I'm feeling settled in general; I have a wonderful husband, three beautiful children, a comfortable house, a fantastic church, a good job, impressive credentials, a supportive family, and forever friends. A lot of my prior insecurities and doubts have been replaced with new truths, and I am learning how to fully embrace my freedom in Christ. I've been going through the motions for way too long, and particularly over the last three months, I have been feeling a nudging in my spirit to wake up and to start being present in and enjoying this rich life I've been given. It may have taken me 35 years to get here, but I am ready to fully enjoy the last two-thirds of my life. This comfy nook in Cyberspace will be where I chronicle the details of my mundane journey.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A Year

My beautiful baby girl is now a 1-year-old and will be a big sister in a little over two months. My spirited older daughter has kissed a boy in church and is about to start school for the very first time. My hubby has lost 25 pounds and has traded in his sedan for an SUV in preparation for our growing family. I have been given more responsibilities at work and, in turn, have become more respected. My circle of friends has widened, and CCC has become my second family. Right now, life feels peaceful, beautiful, and good. This morning on my way to work, I saw a small rainbow in the sky. I saw a second one in an oil spill as I was crossing the street. Little signs of God's great love. Really started my morning off on the right foot. Earlier today, our accounting manager saw me writing in my journal. He asked, "What's that? A diary for your baby?" The question made me a little sad, mainly because I feel like I have been neglecting my children in that area. While I kept pregnancy journals for both Bianca and Alex, I have written naught for Sebastian. And while Bianca has a baby book and the beginnings of an art journal, Alex doesn't have the same recording of her first months. And while Bianca enjoys looking at her art journal, I haven't written in it in months. Perhaps not once this whole year. I have to figure out a way to make chronicling their lives a regular part of my routine. Perhaps on Memory Mondays or Writing Wednesdays or Family Fridays. Without putting aside a set time for the task, I know a whole year will go by without a literal word.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Word-Filled Wednesday: Repentance

When God saw what they had done and how they had put a stop to their evil ways, He changed His mind and did not carry out the destruction he had threatened. ~Jonah 3:10

A God who changes His mind?  Apparently so: God recognizes true repentance when our actions match up with our words, and our faithfulness can sway Him.  Just like when Moses begged God not to give up on the Israelites in the desert, the faithful response of God's people will always turn away God's anger.

With God, there is no such thing as too little, too late, if our response is genuine.  The most important thing is not delaying the response.

When God calls you to change your attitude or choices, don't hesitate or wait a single minute.  Get back on the right road as soon as you can, as soon as you know what God wants, because He is eager to respond to your repentance.  We may not escape the consequences of the choices we've made or the way we've been living; but instead of experiencing God's anger or discipline, we can know His comfort and guidance through whatever we may be facing.

~ Excerpted from The Way