Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday: June 30, 2010

Today Jamie asked the question: What do you wish for your well-being?

~ I wish for more healing rest
~ I wish to make better food choices
~ I wish to detox my body of toxins
~ I wish to surround myself with positive, inspirational people
~ I wish to be at peace with my career
~ I wish for more romance
~ I wish for more fun
~ I wish for more music
~ I wish for more laughter
~ I wish for regular massages
~ I wish for regular exercise
~ I wish for mental health days spent in the sun

Everything is Going to Be OK

For the handful of you who knew about my little emotional breakdown last week, you will be happy to know that I am feeling much better.

I was questioning my decision to go to massage school. But mostly that doubt came about when one of my co-workers told me that he didn't see me a massage therapist, and I took those words to heart. I started piling up all the reasons why I wouldn't be a good massage therapist and I started to believe it. In the end, though, (or perhaps this is still just the beginning!) I decided to stick with it. I've had this desire for many years. I think I would be cheating myself immensely if I just gave up before I even started. Most people die regretting something they didn't do, as opposed to the ones they did. I don't want to regret giving up on my dream, especially for no good reason except someone told me it wasn't for me.

I was also panicking over my career...or more lack of one. My "career" has been made up of a series of jobs that I'm not passionate about and that consistently leave me at the bottom of the totem pole. What other person do you know that has two Master's degrees and is just a secretary? Do I really think that little of myself? Am I afraid of success?

I love to recall the message Joel Osteen gave about this being an Ephesians 3:20 decade. He said that if we have patience and faith, God will increase us RIGHT WHERE WE ARE. Yesterday, our department administrator sent out a head's up for a new position that is being posted soon. It is for a Vaccine Testing Evaluation Unit Coordinator. Honestly, the position isn't much of a step up...there will still be plenty of administrative work to do...BUT it IS a step. "Coordinator" sounds so much better on a resume than "Assistant." And when I inquired about the starting salary, I found out it is $40 - $50K depending on experience and education. Because I have experience in the CVD, I have two Master's degrees, and I have some experience with budgets and financial reports, I think I would be closer to 50 than 40, which would be a great raise. Not huge, but much better than if I would stay put. I don't know what my chances are of getting the job, but I'm going to apply. Because any step is better than no step. And I believe that God will promote me right where I am.

When I was having my breakdown, I ended up contacting our EAP office. I asked to be set up with a career counselor or life coach. I really wanted someone to sit down with me and help me figure my life out. I got the results back yesterday. The majority of them are male. I was really hoping for a female. Anyway, I'm deciding whether or not I should make an appointment. Should I just keep on with the status quo because I'm feeling better? Or should I really talk this through and see where it leads me? that I write both options out, I think I like the latter one. At this point, what do I have to lose? I want to be more brave and more authentic.

I was also questioning my decision to get married and have children. I am deeply in love with my husband, but it turns out there was some unresolved tension from my past still locked in my heart. I dealt with it the best way I knew how, and with the help of some advice from Eat, Pray, Love, I think I finally let it go. I am happy with where I am. And if things were meant to be different, they would be.

Part of me is still aching to run away to the beach and live in a cute cottage by the water, but I've gotten more peace realizing it will come...eventually. It's just not time yet. Harry and I already talked about retiring on the water. It will happen. When it's time.

Way Overdue Update

So much has happened in the world of Bianca the past few weeks!! Perhaps the biggest and most exciting news is she is crawling!! it's not exactly a crawl...its more like an army crawl, where she slides herself around on her belly....but, man, can that girl get around!! Which is proving to be a bit of challenge. First, she loves electrical cords and wires of all kinds. She wants to put them in her mouth or give herself a hug with them. Not good! Next, she loves to pound on Daddy's laptop that sits on the floor. We originally had it up on the table, but she almost pulled it down on her head while playing with its power cord. She also loves to play with the cable box. She has already had a stack of DVDs fall on top of her, and she has been very close to pulling down our rack of TV trays. Looks like Mommy and Daddy have some major baby-proofing to do!!

BiBi is now 9 months old. I can hardly believe it!!! She did really well at the doctor's this month, although they didn't have to give her any shots. She is 27" long and weighs 16 lbs, 14 oz. She is happy and healthy, so we have nothing to complain about there.

She loves to dance. Anytime she hears some music that she likes, she bobs her head to the beat and smiles.

She is also doing better with standing. She still can't quite pull herself up yet, but when she starts out in standing position, she can hold herself there (while holding onto something else) for a while.

She went swimming for the first time ever at Samantha's graduation party on June 12th. We were at Rocky Ridge State Park, and we took her to the little beach. She didn't like going out too far, but she loved sitting down at the water's edge. She splashed and smiled the whole time. At one point, a big wave came and crashed over her head. I thought she was going to cry. But all she did was sneeze and then smile. Since then, she has gone swimming several times in Aunt Dot's pool. Aunt Dot says she loves it. She is definitely going to be a water bug!!

She still doesn't have any teeth yet, but she definitely has more hair. It seems to be coming in blond, but sometimes I think I see a tint of red in there.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I can't believe how fast she is growing up!!!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Limbo No More

When I first heard "Limbo No More" in 2008, I thought it was very appropriate for my life at the time. I had just started my new job and I was about to get married. I posted the lyrics on my MySpace blog because it was resonating with me so strongly.

For a little over a year now, I have been trying to limit my music selection to Christian music. But after having a bit of a breakdown at work yesterday, I turned to the one person who has been helping me deal with emotional crises since high school: Alanis Morrisette.

I needed to sing. Really sing at the top of my lungs. I needed to cry. And as I listened to Limbo No More over and over as I drove home, it sort of became a desperate prayer for me.

My house, my role
My friends, my man
My devotion to God
All amorphous indefinite

Nothing's been clear
Nothing's been in
Nothing's felt true
And I've never had both feet in

Nothing's belonged
Nothing's been yes
Nowhere's been home
And I'm ready to be limbo no more

My taste, my peers
My identity, my affiliation
All amorphous indefinite

Nothing's been clear
Nothing's been in
Nothing's felt true
And I've never had both feet in

Nothing's belonged
Nothing's been yes
Nowhere's been home
And I'm ready to be limbo no more

I sit with filled frames
And my books and my dogs at my feet
My friends by my side
My past in a heap

Thrown out most of my things
Only kept what I need to carve
Something consistent
And notably me

Tattoo on my skin
My teacher's in heart
My house is a home
Something at last I can feel a part of

Sense of myself
My purpose is clear
My roots in the ground
Something at last I can feel a part of

Something aligned
To finally commit
Somewhere I belong
'Cause I'm ready to be limbo no more

My wisdom applied
A firm foundation
A vow to myself
'Cause I'm ready to be limbo no more

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

My New Vision Board

I put this vision board together rather quickly. I guess the deepest desires of my heart were happy to make themselves known! What I find rather interesting, though, is I didn't put church on here. I must ponder that omission a little further...

Ten Tenets of Whole Living

1. Happiness is a choice. Make that choice today and every day.

2. Good health isn't a gift; it's a habit you cultivate.

3. A healthy, fit body is not enough--true fitness engages the spirit.

4. Think more about what you should eat than what you shouldn't.

5. Laugh at yourself. You're funny.

6. Nurture your spirit. It's your source of strength.

7. Stay connected to the natural world. It will feed your soul.

8. Believe in yourself. Your intuition is rarely wrong.

9. It's never too late to take the first step toward your aspirations.

10. What you pay attention to will thrive.

~ From Whole Living Magazine


I found an old friend from grad school on Facebook today. I always loved being around her because of the positive, rainbow energy she emitted. She introduced me to SARK and the idea of vision boards. She always encouraged me to get to know myself and explore the dreams locked in my heart before trying to invite someone else into my life. Sad to say, I really didn't take her advice.

I got a bit side-tracked, and I ended up finishing my MA degree after she did. We lost touch, and I haven't spoken to her in four years.

She said to me today "I'm living on the Eastern shore now. I'm living my dreams!" She lives in a gorgeous house near the water with her husband and pets, she works where she went to college, and she walks to work every day. In all of her pictures, she is simply radiating.

So now I am sitting here in this job that brings me little satisfaction, pondering what my ideal life would look like. It's been a while since I've made one, but I think I need to make a new vision board. It's always nice to get refocused on your dreams and goals. I have a good idea of where I'm headed, but sometimes it helps to have something concrete to look at.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Baby Steps

Since I am well on my way to becoming a holistic health provider, it's time to get serious about my own health. I read somewhere that a person cannot give what she does not have. Makes perfect sense! So I need to make some changes where my health is concerned.

First and foremost, I need to lose weight. Of course, I have never been successful with this feat in the past. So I have decided to not focus on the 44 lbs I would like to lose. Instead, I will focus on baby steps. So my baby steps for today are: drinking 64 oz of water, taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work, and getting in 10 minutes of cardio.

Drinking enough water has always been difficult for me. However, I now have a 64 oz water bottle to help me. I know that I need to drink the entire bottle before the day is done. I was successful yesterday - even though I chugged at least 8 oz at the end, forcing myself to finish the bottle. Today, I have added a splash of cranberry juice to the water. It gives it a bit of flavor.

With work, school, and trying to spend quality time with my family, I don't have a lot of free time. So instead of trying to fit in a half hour or an hour of exercise, I just want to find 10 minutes to work in some cardio. If I do, I know I will feel so much better.

You notice that I didn't mention my diet. That's because I'm taking things one day at a time, and unfortanetly, I won't be able to change much about the foods I'm eating this week. I have to wait until it's time for another grocery run. Ultimately, my baby step will be to eat two vegetables a day.

The Mondo Beyondo Goal I have set for myself is to lose 44 lbs by April 20, 2011. That's less than 5 lbs per month. I think I can do if I am disciplined.

So Far, So Good

First things first: I'm doing GREAT in my massage class! Granted, we've only had three homework assignments and a quiz, but I'm happy to report that I currently have a 100% in the class! As far as the hands-on part is concerned, I think I need more practice, but overall I'm doing well. Harry finally let me practice on him on Tuesday, so I was happy about that. I have my midterm exam on Monday, so I really need to study. The most difficult part for me is the anatomy. I am still pretty clueless when it comes to identifying bones and muscles!

The Director of the Massage Therapy program came in to speak to us Monday night. I had put in an application for a Spring start, as you have to have completed MASS 101 and BIOL 109 before you can even be considered for the program, and I am taking BIOL 109 in the Fall. Well, it turns out that the Spring start is strictly a day program. Since there will be no evening classes available, I have to defer my application to the Fall 2011 start. In the meantime, I will take Medical Terminology and Stress Management and get those out of the way. If I do that and get accepted into the program, then I can solely focus on the Massage classes and be done in four semesters! Class of 2012, here I come! : )

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Great Class!

Did you ever get the feeling, as soon as you enter a place, that you are exactly where you were meant to be? I got that feeling last night as I entered my classroom to begin my MASS 101 class.

Usually, I find most classrooms too cool for my taste. Even on the hottest summer days, I drag a sweater along with me because I wind up getting chilly. When I walked into Room 329, however, I was pleasantly surprised by how warm the room was. The professor had Celtic music playing and had an energy about him that just felt good to be around. The students all seemed eager to learn. No one was sitting in the back rows at all. Everyone had gravitated toward the front of the room. My personal favorite spot in a classroom is front and center. Someone was already sitting in that seat when I arrived, so I had to settle for front and left. But for once in my life I felt completely surrounded by people like me. Don't get me wrong - all of us are different races, ages, and come from different backgrounds. But there is just a similar energy and passion flowing through all of us. I am in love already!

There is one girl in particular that I'm hoping to become friends with. She is an energy worker and a nutrition consultant. I am just drawn to her. Another woman (the one who was sitting in my favorite seat) has a doctorate degree in Pharmacy and also does energy work. I have a feeling I could learn a lot from her. I think my ego was always inflated by my two Master's degrees, but there are several people in the class who have higher education than me. It was a humbling, but oh so good, experience to be learning with them! I can't wait to go back on Wednesday!!

The only issue is we are only meeting for 9 sessions total. The class ends on July 7th. We are going to be cramming a lot of information into a small time frame. We have two quizzes, a midterm, and a final - plus homework assignments AND a research paper all due in this time. I really hope I can find ample time to study and complete my work. More than anything, I want to succeed in this program.

Monday, June 7, 2010


I thought that I would give you a little update on my church situation. When I told Harry about Community Christian Church, he wasn't too thrilled about going. Because I wanted to go to church as a family, we ended up at Queen of Peace again. But throughout the entire Mass, my heart just felt heavy. I knew that my spirit wouldn't be fed, and I felt like I was wasting precious time being there. I didn't even go to Communion. I felt like if I took it, I would be acting like a hypocrite, and that's the last thing I want. I want to be true to myself and to God.

So last week I went to CCC. Alone. And I loved it!! I loved the music. I loved the sermon so much that I took notes. I loved the fact that they have Communion every week. I loved the fact that even though they have a nursery, children still seemed to be welcome in the sanctuary. I loved the fact that they have small groups. I loved the fact that they encouraged people only to give if they felt moved by the Spirit. I loved the fact that I was touched so deeply in the service that I cried. I left the service feeling incredibly uplifted.

During the week, I received a letter in the mail from the pastor. He thanked me for visiting, encouraged me to come back, and asked that I email him or call him with any questions or feedback.

This Sunday I went back. Harry and Bianca stayed home again. I was moved in the same way again during the service. Mostly during Communion. I really reflected on the sacrifice Jesus made for us, and I couldn't help but weep.

Today, I received a phone call from a member of the church. I didn't pick up the phone as I didn't recognize the number. But he left me a message, thanking me for visiting and wanting to know what I thought. He said that if I felt like it, but no pressure, I could call him back to talk about the church and opportunities to get involved.

I thought it was so nice. Who knows how many visitors the church gets each week? And yet, they took the time to welcome me with a letter and a call. That says a lot.

They have a program called "Starting Point." It's basically just an hour session where they explain the history, the mission, and the vision of the church. It gives you time to meet other new members. And it explains ways that you can get involved in the church and call it your home. The next session is on June 27th after the 9:30 service. Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it. I am representing Pink Papaya at a vendor fair benefiting the American Diabetes Association.

I'm pretty bummed that I'm going to miss it. I don't know how often they hold them, but I hope it's once a month. And I hope I don't have another conflict. I really think I want to call CCC my church home.

Harry said that he would come with me next week. I'm praying that he likes it, too. I want nothing more than our family to grow together in the Lord.

Back to School

My Massage 101 class starts tonight. I am excited. I'm also a little nervous. I haven't taken undergraduate classes since 2002. I hope I remember how to retain information!

I have had the dream of pursuing massage therapy for so long. I guess somewhere inside me I didn't believe it would actually happen, so I never took the longings of my soul seriously. But now, here I am, starting out on this journey. It's a pretty incredible feeling.

When I went to college the first time, I was unsure of who I was. I was worried about having people like me. I was trying to do the "right" things. I took the path that I was told to take. I never really lived for myself.

This time, I know myself much better. I know my passions. I know my dislikes. I know where I want to make a difference. I'm secure in who I am. I have nobody to impress. I hope that these factors help to contribute to my success in the program.

I don't know where this journey will ultimately take me. All I know that as I take this first baby step onto unknown terrain, I finally feel as if this is exactly where I was meant to be all along. I feel like singing!