Ugh

I haven't been feeling well for a while now.  Particularly where my digestion is concerned.  Here I am, awake another night at 3 AM, waiting for the pain in my stomach to pass.

I had yet another appointment with my primary care doctor yesterday to discuss my medications.  We are going to tweak them slightly; however, to really understand what is triggering my IBS symptoms, I need to get serious about tracking my food (what and when), any notable moods/situations, and my symptoms (what, intensity, duration).  I keep saying I will do this, but as seems to be a recurrent theme in my life, I am full of talk and no action.  Hopefully putting the intention out in the universe will help hold me more accountable to doing it.  I am desperate to feel better.

Rebranding

I am part of a pilot group coaching program offered through an organization on campus called UMBrella whose mission is to empower women to become leaders at UMB and beyond.  If I'm being honest, I haven't gotten much out of the program, as much of the discussion has been generic and shallow.  Our topic last month, however, got me so excited and engaged - personal branding.

I really do want to get clear on where I am headed in life.  Most days I feel like I am floating in the ocean, being pushed and pulled by its current, instead of swimming in a specific direction.  While I do realize that I am not ultimately in control of my life, I do believe that God made us with the ability to create.  He places dreams and passions and talents inside of us and invites us into the creation process by letting us direct how they manifest in our lives (or not if we choose to bury those aspects of ourselves in the ground.)

For many years I have held a dream in my heart.  Circle's End would be a place where women come to heal.  Massage therapy, women's circles, a library of wellness books, nutrition advice, one-on-one coaching, collaging, comfortable seating, beautiful art, calming scents, fresh air, bright sunlight, a fairy garden.  Pinterest helped me realize that its physical location would be a craftsman cottage bungalow complete with a gate and wind chimes and a comfortable gathering place on the large front porch.  I have also said that the first step in making Circle's End a reality is going to massage school. 
One of my coaching colleagues asked the question during our personal branding session, "Is it possible to rebrand yourself?  If you don't like the image you've created for yourself up until now, can you change it?"  For me, that question was so profound.  And I decided that I did, in fact, need to rebrand myself.  

For the past few weeks I have been taking many online career fit assessments.  I read the book "What Color is Your Parachute" on a recommendation from our campus Ombudsman, and I read a book on personal branding that I saw near it at the library.

The one thing that struck me as odd in all of these assessments is that Massage Therapist did not appear as a good job fit for me.  But after contemplating this fact, I realize it's because I do not like science.  Anatomy and physiology actually scare me.  I am not good at memorization.  Of course a job that requires so much scientific knowledge would not result.  So now I feel I am left with a conundrum. 

On one hand, I'm not quite sure if massage therapy is the best fit for me.  On the other, Circle's End is still calling me.  I need to figure out a way to marry and resolve these two tensions.

The Prodigal Blogger Returns

I started a new devotional via the Bible App earlier this week called The Dream Centered Life by Luke Barnett.  At the end of Day 1, the author asks a simple question: What dream is stirring inside of you?  I honestly have many lofty ideas floating around inside of me, but the persistent stirring of writing, of documenting my journey of highs and lows, of having a space where I can express my authentic self to the world drew me back to this blog.
It's been over three years since I've posted a word on here.  I know that times are different.  That people don't blog for the simple sake of blogging anymore.  That the focus is on SEO keywords and monetizing and branding and layouts and offering useful content.  But none of those things interest me.  I simply want to share my voice, a piece of my life with anyone willing to accept it.

The truth is I have a very busy, very full life, and yet I am achingly unsettled.  Perhaps it is because I am quickly approaching 40, but I find myself questioning why I am here in the first place.  Wondering how I am supposed to be making a difference.  Seeking the way I can make the world a better place before I'm gone. 

Having a sacred space where I can sort through the million thoughts that dance through my head each day is the very thing I need to navigate this tumultuous time in my life.  I will probably break every modern blogging rule in the process, but I need to answer my soul's desire to write on a more consistent basis again.  I am eager to see the fruit that will grow because of it.

4 weeks till 35

There are 28 days before I hit my milestone of 35. I am feeling the urgency to reflect on what I want the last two-thirds of my life to look like. I need to start planting seeds and taking baby steps now to be heading in the right direction. Otherwise, I will end up somewhere completely off course, feeling restless and unfulfilled and questioning the authenticity of my life.

Here's what I know: I want to live a healthy, balanced, integrated life. I want to have a satisfying career that fulfills me spiritually and mentally and provides me with ample resources to live a comfortable life. I want to move and feed my body healthy foods every day. I want to break my addictions. I want to get rid of the pain in my tired, overweight body. I want to eat organic, local foods. I want to compose. I want to have less of a carbon footprint. I want to serve my church and my community. I want to spend quality time and nurture healthy relationships with my husband, my children and my friends. I want to spend more time outside, soaking up the warmth of the sun and the sound of the ocean. I want to enjoy regular massages, facials and teeth cleanings. I want to spend time in silence and meditation. I want to connect with God. I want to savor real, organic dark chocolate. I want beautiful, comfortable, stylish clothes. I want glowing skin, strong hair, bright eyes, and white teeth. I want a flat stomach and a toned physique. I want to love and laugh passionately. Always. I want to support people that come into my life with my words and my love. I want to be present and more fully alive. I want to experience true joy. I want to read and to write. I want to sing and dance and play. I want to shine brightly. I want to taste Heaven on Earth.

beautiful day

A small ice storm passed through Baltimore in the evening hours, which allowed my school to open at 10 AM this morning. With the two extra hours of personal time I gained, I was able to run on the treadmill for 40 minutes, cut images and text out of a magazine, and read a book to my girls. My hubby and I even shared a passionate kiss on my way out the door. I was focused at work and was able to complete the majority of my pending tasks. I played briefly on Facebook and cried as I watched the video montage of the past six years it created for me. I brainstormed ideas for the job portfolio I am creating. I looked back at some kinds words my former boss wrote about me. In general, I just feel proud and accomplished and loved.

The sun is setting, and in a matter of minutes I will be heading home to my Loves. I don't know what mundane adventures tonight will bring, but all in all, it's been a beautiful day. <3

why not?

A reoccurring theme showing up for me lately is: take risks.  My pastor addressed this topic on Sunday, saying that within the risks is where growth occurs.  I really love that.  After all, who wants to live a life of stagnation?  I think of a murky, bacteria-filled swamp compared to a fresh, bubbling brook.  Which one would you rather drink from?

I have heard the popular Mason Cooley quote, "'Why not' is a slogan for an interesting life," but up until now, I've paid it little mind.  Now that I am turning 35 and ready to start really living, however, I have decided to answer the majority of questions presented to me with those two words: why not?

This weekend I applied for a Program Director position within my school.  I may not be totally qualified, and it's three pay grades higher than my current position, but why not?  Why not try?  Why not get my name out there?  Why not nail the interview, accept the position, get a big raise to go along with my new powerful title, and be the most amazing director that my school has ever seen?  Why not?

Today I purchased a Groupon to take the courses necessary to obtain a PMP certification.  Why not?  Project management is a hot topic in research.  Why not better myself?  Why not obtain new skills that may improve my job performance?  Why not add some extra initials behind my name?  Why not?
   
I've only just begun on this journey of becoming more fully alive, but already it is feeling so good!

my fresh start

In 11 weeks and 4 days, I will be turning 35. Truthfully, I am excited for this milestone. I'm feeling settled in general; I have a wonderful husband, three beautiful children, a comfortable house, a fantastic church, a good job, impressive credentials, a supportive family, and forever friends. A lot of my prior insecurities and doubts have been replaced with new truths, and I am learning how to fully embrace my freedom in Christ. I've been going through the motions for way too long, and particularly over the last three months, I have been feeling a nudging in my spirit to wake up and to start being present in and enjoying this rich life I've been given. It may have taken me 35 years to get here, but I am ready to fully enjoy the last two-thirds of my life. This comfy nook in Cyberspace will be where I chronicle the details of my mundane journey.

A Year

My beautiful baby girl is now a 1-year-old and will be a big sister in a little over two months. My spirited older daughter has kissed a boy in church and is about to start school for the very first time. My hubby has lost 25 pounds and has traded in his sedan for an SUV in preparation for our growing family. I have been given more responsibilities at work and, in turn, have become more respected. My circle of friends has widened, and CCC has become my second family. Right now, life feels peaceful, beautiful, and good. This morning on my way to work, I saw a small rainbow in the sky. I saw a second one in an oil spill as I was crossing the street. Little signs of God's great love. Really started my morning off on the right foot. Earlier today, our accounting manager saw me writing in my journal. He asked, "What's that? A diary for your baby?" The question made me a little sad, mainly because I feel like I have been neglecting my children in that area. While I kept pregnancy journals for both Bianca and Alex, I have written naught for Sebastian. And while Bianca has a baby book and the beginnings of an art journal, Alex doesn't have the same recording of her first months. And while Bianca enjoys looking at her art journal, I haven't written in it in months. Perhaps not once this whole year. I have to figure out a way to make chronicling their lives a regular part of my routine. Perhaps on Memory Mondays or Writing Wednesdays or Family Fridays. Without putting aside a set time for the task, I know a whole year will go by without a literal word.

Word-Filled Wednesday: Repentance

When God saw what they had done and how they had put a stop to their evil ways, He changed His mind and did not carry out the destruction he had threatened. ~Jonah 3:10

A God who changes His mind?  Apparently so: God recognizes true repentance when our actions match up with our words, and our faithfulness can sway Him.  Just like when Moses begged God not to give up on the Israelites in the desert, the faithful response of God's people will always turn away God's anger.

With God, there is no such thing as too little, too late, if our response is genuine.  The most important thing is not delaying the response.

When God calls you to change your attitude or choices, don't hesitate or wait a single minute.  Get back on the right road as soon as you can, as soon as you know what God wants, because He is eager to respond to your repentance.  We may not escape the consequences of the choices we've made or the way we've been living; but instead of experiencing God's anger or discipline, we can know His comfort and guidance through whatever we may be facing.


~ Excerpted from The Way

Ok, ok....I hear you!

In the past 18 hours, I have seen/heard Philippians 4:13 at least five different times - all from different sources.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Sometimes God speaks to me in subtle ways.  Sometimes I doubt that I can hear Him at all.  And then sometimes - like last night and today - He speaks to me in a way that resembles a bright, neon flashing sign.  This is when I have no choice but to throw my hands up in the air and surrender.  "Ok, God!  I hear you!"

It's no secret that Steph and I started out on a wellness journey last month.  But what I haven't been completely forthcoming about is how extremely poor I have been doing.  Sure, last week, I had two great days in a row.  I took the stairs instead of the elevator at work, I ate within my recommended number of calories, and I did Level 1 of the 30 Day Shred with Bianca at my side each day.  But then Friday night came along, and things quickly went downhill.  In fact, last night, between eating dinner at Chick-Fil-A and drinking my mocha from Starbucks during small group, I consumed more calories in that short time than the whole amount allotted for my entire day.  Not cool.

Naturally, I woke up feeling a bit discouraged.  The voices in my head haunt me.  I have Steph supporting me, my church praying for me, and the eyes of the world (ok...maybe more like 5 people!)  on me via this blog, and I still can't succeed.  I have been struggling with my weight since I was 5 years old; do I really think I can bring my addictions under control now?

I guess the answer would be a resounding no if I was going at it alone.  But if I am really depending on Jehovah Nissi, if I am surrendering total control, there is no way I can fail. 

David told us in church a few weeks ago that our struggles might not go away overnight.  The battle may rage on far longer than we would like.  But if we keep the faith, raise our banners, and remember that our sticks are just sticks, we will ultimately be victorious.  Not because of anything we can do, but solely because of the power and might of God.  (Of course, he said it much better, and you can listen to the podcast by clicking here.)

So, I get it.  I have no choice but to pick myself up once again and keep walking this road.  And eventually I will get healthy.  I will lose this extra weight.  I will be able to play for hours with my kids without getting tired.  I will be able to think clearer.  I will be able to serve my husband, children, and community better.  And it will all be attributed to Jehovah Nissi and that precious, powerful Word: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~ Philippians 4:13

Word Filled Wednesday: Commitment

With the dawning of a new year and the declaration of many resolutions, I thought this blurb from The Way was rather fitting.

I was not in Jerusalem at that time, for I had returned to King Artaxerxes of Babylon in the thirty-second year of his reign, though I later asked his permission to return. ~Nehemiah 13:6

It would be easy to miss the implication of Nehemiah's passing comment that he had returned to his role of serving a foreign king.  But Nehemiah is modeling something enormous for us: commitment to a promise.  He had experienced twelve years of leadership in Jerusalem, with stunning results.  The wall had been rebuilt, and even better, the people of God had renewed their covenant with God, worship had resumed, and order had returned.  But Nehemiah remembered that he had made a commitment to the king he served while in exile - a promise to return after a specific length of time.  And he kept that commitment in the face of what must have been countless reasons to break it.

Do you have that kind of integrity when you make a commitment?

Happy New Year!

Well, here we are on Day 2 of 2013.  I must admit that I feel just wonderful about the New Year.  Overall, 2012 was not a very good year for our world.  So much pain, heartache, and disastrous events that left many people wondering if God really does exist, does He even care?  But along with the fireworks and the magical flip of the calendar, a whole new surge of positive energy has settled in.  We all have the chance to start over, to regain focus, to try to get it right this time.

The new year invokes dreaming, planning, and baby steps galore.  In the cold of winter (or heat of summer, depending on your hemisphere!), though the earth lies dormant, people slowly start to come alive again.  So much vision, so much hope bursting forth.  It truly is a wonderful time!

In numerology, 2013 is a 6 year.  It's a year that focuses on family, security, responsibility, and birthing new things.  I think my Proverbs 31 Year is definitely well timed!  Here's hoping that when the twinkling ball drops again, we can say without a doubt that yes, indeed, this Year was Happy!

On the Edge of a New Year

In a little over two hours, we will be bidding farewell to 2012.  My initial reaction when thinking back on this past year was to dwell on everything I didn't accomplish.  The book will be closing on another year, and there is still so much left incomplete and undone.

And yet, when I truly think about it, 2012 turned out to be a fabulous year.  It was a year of positive change and excitement.  A few highlights:

~ Alexandra Elise made her grand entrance into the world.
~ Bianca instantly turned into a loving Big Sister.
~ Harry became one of the area's most popular basketball coaches.  He led his team to a State Championship, and was chosen to coach one of the teams participating in the Capital Classic.
~ I was promoted at work, and simultaneously received a huge peace, instant stress relief, and a pay increase.  God is so good!
~ I was able to upgrade to an SUV.
~ I saw my muse Alanis Morissette in concert.
~ I experienced the excitement of being a Dance Mom for a few precious weeks.
~ After two years, I finally made a commitment to CCC and to MOPS.  As a result, I made so many new friends.
~ I also reunited with friends from my past.
~ We had our girls dedicated in front of our church family.  The day was even more special because Aria and Lilly were dedicated at the same time.
~ 212 helped to turn up the heat in my life.
~ I reconnected with family I hadn't seen in quite a while.
~ I was exposed to the world of green juices and smoothies and whole foods.
~ Stephanie and I started a wellness journey.
~ An old friend died and harsh reality set in regarding my greener grass.
~ But I fell even more in love with Harry because of it.

Looking forward to 2013, there is so much I want to accomplish.

~ I want to draw closer to God.  I hope to be exposed to the Word daily.  I hope to spend more quiet time with Him.  I hope to fully engage with MOPS and my small group.
~ I want to be a better wife.  I hope to give Harry the support he needs to be the best version of himself.  I hope to take better care of him and our house.
~ I want to be a better mother.  I hope to be more present when I'm home.  I hope to give more hugs and kisses.  I hope to laugh and play more.  I want to give my girls the love and attention they need to be happy and healthy.
~ I want to take care of myself physically.  I hope to exercise daily.  I hope to drink more green juice and smoothies.  I hope to eat a vegetable at every meal.  I hope to eat more locally grown and organic foods. I want to cut back (or stop) my coffee consumption.  I hope to drink more water.  I want to get a massage monthly.  I want to stretch more and sleep better.  I want my natural beauty to shine from the inside out.
~ I want to help get our family out of debt.  I hope to think before making unnecessary purchases.  I hope to cut out large expenses, like my daily $5 mocha lattes.

A lot of these goals look similar to the ones I made last year.  But this year, I am confident that I will be victorious.  I have a wonderful support system in my husband, my friends, and my family.  I have been exposed to so many new educational and inspirational resources.  And most importantly, I am raising a banner over this year.  Jehovah Nissi will be my ultimate source of strength and victory.

2013 will be my Proverbs 31 year.  I will use the Proverbs 31 Woman as a role-model and an inspiration to emulate.  In the end, I hope to be my husband's crown.  I hope my children will call me blessed.  And ultimately, I hope all of my actions are pleasing to the Lord.  By growing into a better version of myself, I hope to be able to serve Him better. 

Word Filled Wednesday: Drunk and Naked

After the flood, Noah began to cultivate the ground, and he planted a vineyard.  One day he drank some wine he had made, and he became drunk and lay naked inside his tent.  Ham, the father of Canaan, saw that his father was naked and went outside and told his brothers.  Then Shem and Japheth took a robe, held it over their shoulders, and backed into the tent to cover their father.  As they did this, they looked the other way so they would not see him naked.
~ Genesis 9:20 - 23

Many people have heard the story of Noah.  You probably know about the Flood, the ark, and the animals coming two by two.  You've probably heard about the dove and the rainbow.

But after most of the story is over, this little piece about Noah getting drunk and naked - well, it's not the stuff of children's Sunday School!  Maybe Noah just went off the rails a bit after being cooped up with all those animals.  Or maybe the anguish of seeing all those people drowning finally caught up with him.

Whatever the case, this very strange scene reveals a couple things.  First, it shows us, as we see over and over in Scripture, that the people God uses are not perfect.  They're messed up, just like you and I.  That means that, however messed up you are, you can still serve God and be part of His unfolding story.

Noah, drunk and naked, points to a second thing: The Bible is true.  Who would fake a story about the only righteous guy alive, and then add this offbeat paragraph?  In a wonderfully strange way, Noah's embarrassing misstep shows us that the Bible is an honest book.  Yes, this is a story you can believe because it doesn't whitewash the truth, even when it's not admirable.

Excerpted from The Way New Living Translation Bible

Sick and Tired

I used to blame my pregnancy on being tired and achy all the time.  But here I am four months postpartum and I still feel tired and achy pretty much every day.  I experience fatigue, bloating, cramping, nausea, headaches, itchy skin and eyes, and joint and muscle aches on a daily basis.  Frankly, I'm tired of living like this.  I'm only in my early 30s; I should be feeling vibrant and alive, not the complete opposite.

When I brought up my concerns with my doctor a few years ago, she pretty much just said I feel so miserable because I'm overweight.  She encouraged me to exercise and eat better and sent me on my way.

Believe me - I am well aware that I am carrying extra baggage.  And I have definitely tried to lose the excess weight.  Before my wedding, I was exercising and eating right, and I only lost a total of 6 pounds in a 6-month period.  Last year, I was working out with a personal trainer and eating better, and I only lost 7 pounds in a 4-month period.  No matter how much effort I put into it, I can't seem to lose the many pounds I desperately need to shed.

At that last doctor's visit, I was really hoping that she would run some tests, like checking my thyroid or searching for any food sensitivities.  Instead she made me feel like I was nothing but a fat, tired, achy hypochondriac.  So I ignored my symptoms and went on with life.

Now that I have ventured out on my wellness journey, however, I know I can't ignore my body's cries for help anymore.  So I've decided to search for a new primary care doctor.  One who will actually listen to my concerns and help me figure out what's wrong with me.  (At least physically!  lol)  Then we can make a plan to address any issues, and I will be well on my way to a healthier version of myself. 

My initial reaction is to seek out a naturopathic doctor, but unfortunately, my health insurance only covers conventional medicine interventions.  My friend Chelle recommended I see a D.O. instead of an M.D. because their approach is more holistic.  I think I'm leaning that way, but I need to find one with good recommendations first.

No matter what, it's my goal to get a physical - with a complete blood workup - by February 1st.  I owe it to myself.  And I so desperately want to feel better.

12 Wishes

In celebration of 12/12/12, Jamie Ridler asked the question What 12 Wishes Will You Wish For?

Today, I wish....

1.  To know God intimately
2.  To be a stay-at-home mom
3.  To become a massage therapist
4.  To move my body freely and often
5.  To indulge in a healthy diet
6.  To live in a beach cottage
7.  To have a marriage centered on God, full of laughter and fun
8.  To be back on stage
9.  For my girls to be abundantly happy and healthy
10. For a flattering, comfortable wardrobe
11. To glow from the inside out
12. To have more children, biological and adopted

What wishes are tucked in your heart?

Me and the Mozart Myth

Upon suggestion from UM’s Center for Integrative Medicine’s Facebook page, I read an article from Experience Life Magazine called “The Creative Habit.” After reading the section titled “Active Body, Creative Mind,” I immediately thought of my journey partner Steph because she is an artist. My initial thought was, “wow…with regular exercise, Steph’s creativity will go through the roof!” I shared the article with her and that was that.

…Until my car ride home. With traffic, I have about an hour commute each way, so I have a good amount of time to think. Last night, this article was on the forefront of my mind. I kept pondering the Mozart Myth and realized that it really pertained to my life. In particular, I considered this paragraph:

Sure, some people might be predisposed to certain skills and talents, but all our natural predispositions need time, practice and dedication to become real genius. As another artistic genius, the Renaissance painter Michelangelo, once said, “If people knew how hard I had to work to gain mastery, it would not seem so wonderful at all.”

I kept thinking of my singing talent. At one point in my life, I was a really good singer. In fact, if I had tried out for American Idol in 2002, I would have had a pretty good shot at going far in the competition. (Yep – it would have totally been me and Justin there at the finale!) I definitely had a voice that could rival Kelly Clarkson’s. But also at that time, I was singing constantly. I had been singing in class and in concerts 5 days a week for eight years straight. I sang constantly in my car. I had a karaoke machine and a keyboard in my bedroom that were constantly being used. I performed in musical theater. I sang practically every Sunday at church. I was hired to sing for weddings. I did a few funerals. My mother would even scold me for singing at the dinner table. (My sister hated it when I did!) The point is: I sang. ALL. THE. TIME. I had mastered my talent.

For whatever reason, when I joined AmeriCorps in the fall of 2002, I stopped singing. Completely. And I suppose a part of me died at that time because singing was my true love, my joy, my constant companion.

Today, I have an average, so-so voice. My talent has gone extremely downhill. I really would love to sing on the Worship Team at my church, but if I’m being honest, I’m not good enough anymore.

But, alas, there is hope! That’s the beauty of the Mozart Myth! He worked extremely hard to master his compositions. He needed “time, practice and dedication to become real genius.” I know that with enough time, practice and dedication, I could be really good again.

One of my intentions for my wellness journey is to sing more. By doing so, I think I can start to come back to life again in a whole new, healthy way.

Good Day!

Well, I'm proud to say that my day is definitely off to a great start.  I did manage to get up at 4:30 this morning to get on the treadmill.  (Ok....so it was more like 4:33....I had a hard time getting out of my warm, comfy bed!)  Honestly, it would have been so lovely to get in that extra hour of sleep, but after remembering the picture by my alarm clock, I asked God to give me strength me and to help me step out of my comfort zone.  One hour later, I had walked 3.2 miles and burned 452 calories!  Woo hoo!

I think it helped that I slept in my workout clothes.  I had heard this tip in the past, but I was never fond of it.  After all, how comfortable could it to be to sleep in two bras?  It wasn't that bad, though, so I think I'll try it again tonight.  It saved me a good 5-10 minutes this morning.  (Yes, I tend to do things on the slow side.)  I think I'll also fill up my water bottle tonight and leave it in the refrigerator to save an additional step in the morning.

As I was on the treadmill, MercyMe's "So Long Self" kept repeating in my head.  It made me realize that exercising to music is probably better than doing it in silence.  (Although I have so much stuff running through my head at any given minute, so it's not really silent!)  I would just need to build a killer playlist first.  Does anyone have any suggestions of songs that get them moving?  I immediately think of "Shine" by Newsboys, "Move" by MercyMe, and "Get Back Up" by Toby Mac.

My breakfast consisted of two eggs and spinach.  My morning snack consisted of a couple of cheese cubes and an apple.  For lunch, I'm eating my chili with a side of spinach.  I'm not sure what dinner will be, as my refrigerator is a bit bare, but I'm proud of the choices I've made so far.  I just have to keep it up!

One half-day of positive choices down; a lifetme to go!! 

Hard Truth

One of the tools I had planned to use on my wellness journey was a food journal.  I once watched an episode of Dr. Oz where he said that people who keep a food diary lose 50% more weight than those who don't.  The theory is that we tend to underestimate the exact amount of our caloric intake each day.

I originally planned to write everything down in a physical journal.  Two problems emerged with that tactic: 1) my purse was getting weighed down by carrying yet another book and 2) I really wasn't sure how many calories were in the food I was eating.

In comes Aunt Theresa to the rescue.  She recommended that I use a tool called My Fitness Pal.  Here, I can record my daily food intake and the system records my calories for me.  I can also record my exercise.  (If only I had any activity to record!)  The best part is when you are finished recording for the day, the system gives you immediate feedback.  For instance, yesterday's feedback informed me that I would GAIN 2 pounds in 5 weeks if I continue with my same food consumption and lack of exercise.

It is kind of a wake-up call.  I guess I am one of those people who underestimated my calorie intake.  It's only 3:15 PM, and I've already consumed 76 extra calories.  I suppose I could make up for tonight's dinner by spending an hour on the treadmill.  Sadly, my reality is that when I get home from work, all I want to do is cuddle and play with my girls.  I only get to see them an average of 3 hours a day.  I really don't want to decrease that precious time to 2 hours.  Guess I'll have to try to wake up at 4:30 tomorrow morning and get in some cardio while they're still asleep.  (Wish me luck; I have a hard enough time getting up at 5:30!)

My friend Maggie shared an awesome picture on her Facebook page today.  I think I am going to print out a couple of copies and put one by my alarm clock and one on my treadmill.  Hopefully it will help me to get motivated.  It is a simple yet perfect prayer when things seem too tough.  Only with God's help will I have a true and lasting breakthrough when it comes to my health.

 

The First Few Days

I am sad to say that my wellness journey has not started off on the best foot. December 1st was not only our kickoff to pursuing a healthier lifestyle, but it was also my beautiful Mommy’s birthday. While I did manage to start my Saturday with a green juice, my food choices quickly went downhill from there. My weekend was full of pizza, cookies, ice cream, deep fried chicken, French fries, and hot chocolate. Not exactly healthy.

This morning wasn’t much better. I was running late and not feeling great, so instead of making a green juice, I ate a bowl of chocolate Cheerios. For lunch I am eating a homemade chili that in retrospect should have been made with more vegetables. I have a terrible headache and I just can’t wait to go home.

This isn’t the way I had hoped to be behaving or feeling once Steph and I officially crossed the starting line to wellness.

I once read a quote that said, “When you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.” The fact of the matter is my bad habits run deep. It is going to take a lot of energy, planning, and action to make a positive lifestyle change. I have to give my health 100%. I have to be all in. Otherwise, we are going to be having a very similar conversation a few months down the line. It’s one thing to be well-intentioned. But intention with no action leaves you stuck in exactly the same place.