Saturday, February 6, 2010

Sacred Friday

This week's word was "Satisfaction."  Harry once told me that I would never be satisfied.  He said that I am always looking forward to the next thing, and I never take the time to enjoy the now.  When I saw this word, it was my goal to prove him wrong.  After all, even though I do have big dreams that I am constantly working towards, I am generally satisfied with my life.  The only area that needs a major overhaul is my job. 

I have a strong faith that gets me through the darkest times.  I have a husband who I am attracted to and truly love to be around.  I have a daughter who is beautiful and inspires me to be the best version of myself.  I have an extended family that encourages and supports me.  I have close friends who bring me joy and challenge me to be better.  I have a spacious house with all the comforts I need.  I have dreams that sustain me.  How could I not be satisfied?

I thought that I was unsatisfied with my car.  For years, I dreamed about my Cabrio.  I found the perfect one, and I drove two hours into Virigina to buy it.  It was the first car in MY name.  I took out my very first loan to buy it.  My heart and soul were in that car.  After my accident, I needed a car.  Volkswagen didn't make Cabrios anymore.  And since Harry and I were about to get married, we thought it would be better to buy a four-door car for when we had children.  We looked in the used car lot at the dealer where my Cabrio was towed.  There was only one car on the lot that I liked.  I took it for a test drive and then bought it.  There was no thought behind it.  There was no passion.  It was just a vehicle to get me to point A to point B.

Because I want to own another convertible, I have been trying to pay closer attention to the cars I see on the road.  I have been taking note of the cars I'm drawn to so that when the time comes, I can buy another car I am passionate about.  Ironically, a lot of the cars I saw driving that caught my attention were Hyundai's - which is now what I drive.  Guess I am more satisfied with my new car than I originally thought!

I was also starting to get unsatisfied with Family Day.  Now, I love my family and I love spending time with them.  But the obligation of going to my mom's every week was starting to take a toll on me.  Because of the weather and because of Miami, I haven't been over my mom's house in three weeks.  I find myself longing to go over there.  Again, I guess I am more satisfied with the status quo than I originally thought.

Again, the area of major unsatisfaction in my life is my job.  But I was reading the Message Bible this week, and I stumbled upon Ecclesiastes 3:12-13.  "I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life.  That's it - eat, drink, and make the most of your job.  It's God's gift."  Honestly, on most days, I don't view my job as a gift.  I see it as nothing but a burden whose benefits aren't worth the stress and heartache.

Harry and I watched "Love Happens" last night, and the leading man had an assistant who was really passionate and dedicated to his job.  When the man lost his luggage, his assistant said, "No worries" and handed him a suit.  I found myself wishing to be like that.  Normally when a problem occurs, I get upset, worried, and stressed out.  I wish I was more proactive and calm when it comes to finding a solution.

Of course, if I had my choice, I would definitely be in a new career.  I just don't think it can happen anytime soon.  So I have to work on being more satisfied in my current position.  I just think I need a lot of help to do so.

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