Slow Motion

When you want something so badly, time seems to creep by.  I have 10 days left until I meet my younger daughter.  Only 3 and a half more of those are work days.  Yet it feels like I still have an eternity to go.  I am so tired.  I feel like I've checked out mentally.  Part of me wishes I would go into labor tonight.

And yet there's the other part of me that wants everything to go as planned next Friday.  I made this Friday my last day at work.  The deciding factor wasn't the way I was feeling; after all, I have my good and bad days.  What sealed the deal for me was the idea of having four days of Mommy and Bianca time.  Harry will be back to school, so I will have four precious days to bond with my older daughter.  I plan to smother her with love and hugs and laughter and stories and snowballs - and whatever else her heart desires.  She is my first born, and I see so much of myself in her.  She will always be special to me, and I don't want her ever doubting that.

At the same time, I am eagerly awaiting the birth of Alex.  She will add a whole new dynamic to the Martin family.  I'm looking forward to life with more than one child.  I can't wait to see who she looks like, what her personality will be, and the little lady she will turn into.  I can't wait to see my girls playing together and learning to be friends.  I want all of this so badly.  And so the next 10 days will drag on...