Wishcasting

On my last blog, even though I felt compelled to, I also felt guilty about participating in Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting Wednesday.  After all, a good Christian prays.  She doesn't wish along with others.  On this blog, no such rules exist.  I will pray and wish and hope and cry and give up as I please.

So here are a few thought-provoking questions that Jamie asked over the past few months, and my delightful responses: 

What do you wish to DELIGHT in?

I wish to delight in:

~ 90 minutes massages

~ Relaxing in the sun

~ Water naturally flavored with yummy fruit or herbs

~ Healthy and delicious raw meals

~ Watching my daughters play and learn and grow

~ Awesome worship with hands held high

~ Pure, innocent displays of love from my husband

~ Deep conversations and silly adventures filled with laughter with friends

~ Feeling God radiate from the inside out

~ Playing with smudges of color

~ The feeling of freedom in my new, healthy, trimmed body

What HEIGHTS do you wish to reach?

~ I wish to reach up and touch God.

~ I wish to reach a state of sustained joy and contentment.

~ I wish to make a six-figure salary so I am better able to help others.

~ I wish to be a Vice President of the University.

~ I wish to earn a doctorate degree.

~ I wish to be the Queen in my husband’s world.

~ I wish to live in a healthy, fit, toned size 4 body.

~ I wish to see my dreams of becoming a massage therapist and owning a beach cottage turn into reality.

~ I wish to win the Mrs. Maryland title.

What do you wish to WALK AWAY from?

I wish to walk away from:

~ False illusions from my past

~ Patches of greener grass

~ Negativity

~ My fat exterior

~ Feelings of inadequacy and ingratitude

What do you wish for your HOME?

I wish that my home was:

~ Filled with a sense of peace and calmness

~ A place where anyone feels welcome at any time

~ Composed of open, bright, clutter-free spaces

~ Alive with laughter, singing, and dancing

~ A gift of sanctuary and love to everyone who enters

~ Surrounded by green grass

~ Adorned with large, colorful, vibrant flowers

~ Always ready for company with lots of delicious goodies on hand

How do you wish to GROW?

I wish to grow:

~ Closer to God

~ Into a more authentic version of myself

~ Closer to my husband

~ Into a more attentive, present, loving Mama

~ Into a good cook

~ Surrounded by nutritious friends

~ Into a healthy, fit, slim body

~ In my administrative career

~ Into a holistic health provider

Salt Water

I saw the most perfect quote on Facebook today: "The cure for anything is salt water ~ sweat, tears or the sea."  (Karen von Blixen-Finecke)  What simple but profound truth!

My New Job

I just want to say for the record that I love my new job.  I love being a supervisor.  I love the ladies I work with.  I love my boss.  I love the fact that she can ask me to perform a task, and I will get it done.  I love the fact that I am working with even more brilliant scientists now.  I love not dreading coming to work anymore.

My new role suits me.  And I can honestly say that I am content.  Yes, eventually, I would like to be an Administrator or a Dean or a VP of the School.  And I'd like an impressive salary to go along with one of those fancy titles.  (You know me - I always have a 5 year plan!)  But for now, there's nowhere else I'd rather be than helping to manage the CVD.

Let's face it: being the Office Manager for a $61 million dollar research center is not too shabby!!

The Blue Dress

A lovely co-worker recently gave me a beautiful dress that she wore often when she was pregnant.  While I was in love with the look of the long blue frock with a lovely yellow and white damask pattern, I was rather scared of the tag that read "Medium."  Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised that not only could I fit into it, it hugged my body in all the right places, making it rather flattering.  This morning I decided to wear it to work.

When Harry woke up, he saw me and said, "Is that a new dress?  You look really nice."  About 20 minutes later when Bianca got up, she looked at me and said, "You look beautiful, Mommy."  Talk about a wonderful start to my day!  The compliments didn't stop there, though.  I received several complimentary remarks from different co-workers.  It made me feel good.

It's amazing what a confidence in your abilities to perform your job well combined with a sense of pride in your looks can do for a woman!  I was super productive today! 

After Alexandra is born and our finances get back in order, I think I need to invest in more clothes that make me look and feel fabulous. 

Random Facts About Me

~ I absolutely adore the beach.  One of my dreams is to own a small cottage on the beach.

~ My favorite smells include Hawaiian Tropic, warm pumpkin pie, lavendar, a clean baby, fresh cut grass, meat on a grill, and burning wood.

~  I love orchids, chocolate, melted cheese, purple, Alanis Morissette, wind blowing through my hair, and sun warming my skin.

~ I love to sing, dance, read, write, and play with colors.  And yet I don't do any of these things with abandon anymore.  I have aimed for perfection, when that's not even the point.

~ The best days for me include deep, nurturing conversations and laughter ~ no matter with my husband, with my friends, with my daughter, with my family, or with a stranger.

~ I currently have low energy.  I am addicted to coffee and to sugar.  I am overweight.  I need to change my habits.  I need to get healthier.  I long to feel healthy, vibrant, alive, and comfortable in my own skin.

~ I love to sleep.  If given the chance, I would gladly spend a whole day surrounded in healing slumber.

~ I am positive, negative, ambitious, complacent, brave, frightened, jealous and content all at once.

~ I have made some huge mistakes in my lifetime.  I have let the past creep in and spoil my present blessings.  I have big dreams for my future tucked inside my heart.  I have transformed and grown as a person, but still have a long way to go. 

The Woman Inside

On the exterior, I am a chubby woman who runs out of breath easily.  I can't sit or stand without effort.  I feel the fat literally weighing me down.  My arms wobble.  My chin wiggles.  My thighs rub painfully together.

But on the inside, I am strong.  I am a runner.  I am a kickboxer.  I am toned.  I am muscular.  I am healthy.  I am better able to serve my husband, my children, and my community in my fit body.

I can feel the powerful Woman Inside.  She longs to break free.  It's time to start chipping this exterior away.... 

A New Beginning

After months of silence on my other two blogs, I feel the need to write again ~ this time on a clean slate.  On one blog, I focused on my role as a mother, trying to be funny, and yet, not really succeeding.  On the other, I focused on my Christian faith, trying to portray an image that never fit me quite right.  So now I turn to a new blog, free of expectation and judgment.  Here, I want to be authentic.  Here, I want to be free.

There are many facets to the enigma that is me.  Yes, I am a Christian, but I also love delving into new agey self help.  Yes, I am a wife and a mother, but I'm also a girl with wild dreams trying to figure out how to make them a reality.  Yes, I would love to earn a doctorate degree, but I am equally as passionate about getting certified in Massage Therapy and Nutrition.  I am finished with feeling bad about my seemingly conflicting passions and beliefs.  For way too long, I have felt afraid and guilty and tried to fit into the molds created for me by others.  I can't live that way anymore.  I just want to be me - no matter what she looks like when all is said and done.

Two months ago, a dear co-worker and friend told me that my 33rd year will be a time of preparation.  A year of meditation and contemplation.  A time to be still and figure out the direction I wish to walk in.  A time to sharpen and focus my skills and education.  I am beginning to realize that her prediction was correct.

As I nurture and grow a new life inside of me in the form of my daughter-to-be, I am at the same time nurturing and growing a new life for myself.  I am gaining a better picture of the person I ultimately wish to be.  There is so much potential and life inside of me waiting to burst forth.  It's time to stop avoiding it and to start embracing it.

Welcome to My Stained Glass Life!