Monday, November 29, 2010

Anywhere But Here

It's almost noon. I have been sitting at my desk since 8:00 this morning. I literally have done nothing. Not one thing. I feel like absolute crap. My head hurts, my stomach hurts, and I'm nauseous. I went to bed before 9:00 last night, and I overslept this morning. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel absolutely spent. And this is after a four-day stress-free weekend.

I know there are people out there who would love to have my job. I know I should be singing praises that I even HAVE a job in this tough economy. But I think my job is literally making me sick. Even one of my co-workers pointed out the other day, "You never feel good." And it's true. When I'm at work, I feel awful. And I often find myself wishing I was anywhere but here.

2010 was supposed to be my year of action. Granted - I did take some baby steps. But guess what? I didn't get anywhere. I'm still stuck in the same place I was when I started. It looks like taking baby steps got me nowhere. : (

I am so desperate to be in a career where I can love and serve others and help them to heal. I need to know I'm making a difference. I need to know that my 8+ hours a day at work aren't being wasted. When will the breakthrough happen? When will lasting change take place? When will I finally experience true fulfillment in my career because I am also living out my life's purpose?

I am intelligent, highly educated, and a hard worker. I have been "successful" at every job I've ever had. I am well-liked. Can somebody please explain to me why I have had such a terrible time in this area of my life?


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