Re-evaluating...Again

Once again, I am questioning the direction that my life is headed. I have spent a lot of time on Dream University's website today. One common theme emerged: before you can pinpoint your dreams, you have to know what your purpose in life is. The first step in discovering your life's true purpose is paying attention to what your passions are.

I have decided to go on a Passion Quest this week to try to identify the things that excite me. The reason I am doing so is because I am once again questioning my decision to go through with the massage program.

Admittingly, Anatomy & Physiology is pretty difficult. I need to do well in the class before I can even get into the massage program. Am I doubting the program because I'm not sure I will pass the class?

Also, it's no secret that my biological clock is ticking quite loudly at the moment. Harry and I both want more children. I love having a sibling close in age, and I want to give my children that same gift. One of Harry's usual responses to me is, "You should finish the massage program first." If I do that, I won't be able to get pregnant until Fall 2012. I won't give birth until 2013. That means Bianca and her brother or sister will be 4 years apart. I don't want to wait that long. Is my longing for children overriding my desire to finish school?

Or is it simply that I am not meant to be a massage therapist? I love the idea of holistic health. I love the idea of working in a peaceful environment. I love the idea of working one-on-one with my clients. But what if massage is not the right outlet for me?

Steph and I had a similar conversation a few months ago. I was ready to pull out of the program back then. I later changed my mind, rationalizing that I had to go through with the experience because I had been dreaming about it for so long and it wouldn't be fair to myself to give up so soon. Sadly, it's months later and I am still in the same boat. Part of me wants to just give up now. The other part of me wants to go through with it. Ugh! I am such a complexity!!

Anyway, I'm hoping that my Passion Quest will give me some insights as to what I am supposed to be doing with my life!

I don't need to go on a Passion Quest, though, to know that these things excite me more than any other:

~ Love & Service
~ Self Improvement
~ People's stories
~ Writing
~ Music

Hmmm.....I just need help translating those things into a meaningful career....